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I am very grateful that I live in a society where I can choose to be in a male-led relationship if I feel like it, or not if I don't. There are still plenty of places in the world where women do not have that choice, plenty of places where women have to put up with being beaten whether they like it or not, where they have no choice but to put up with anything that men do to them.

Relations between men and women were not set in stone in the past any more than they are now, and I suspect myself that there would always have been a limited number of men willing to indulge in the sort of rough stuff that Dee craves, I don't think the shortage of men willing to arm-wrestle women has anything to do with feminism.

by Louise C on 2004 Dec 4 - 20:28 | reply to this comment
The Problem
One problem I see with what you have said, Stephen, is that you say we get our panties all in a twist without looking at the problems of what's being called "gender feminism." But actually, I mentioned that there are problems, for instance the overboard concern over sexual harassment that has kindergarteners suspended for kissing another kid in the classroom.

I am not unaware of the excesses but when one looks to demonize feminism one tends to blithely gloss over the conditions that brought it about. There were and still are some grave inequities. Sexual harassment can be terrifying and devastating to a woman's career. And it is real..not just a matter of a dirty joke passed in the hallway or at the water cooler.

I admit there are problems and some areas where feminism has gone too far but that is not a reason to throw out the baby with the bath water. Personally I would be unhappy in a male-led relationship but I am quite happy in an equal one. So you cannot presume to speak for us all. I think the breaking down of presumed male authority has been an excellent thing. It allows those women who want the male-led lifestyle to CHOOSE it instead of having it forced on them.

I really think all women who believe the good old days were better should be made to take a time trip back to medieval times and live as a woman in those days. I bet they'd be carrying "The Personal is Political" banners real quick. Choosing not to have freedom is still having the freedom to make that decision. Truly not having that choice would be immensely upsetting and painful to many of these women who are panting after submission and a return to the "good old days."